We’re all there . . . Here. It’s been difficult, so I’m not adding to the noise of covid. I realize for some our present circumstances may just seem like a nuisance, for others it’s been devastating. I’m in the middle of the end.
We all have a thousand stories – many of mine have been about hard times. These past few weeks have been more shattering than the past months, maybe even years. That happens when a huge personal “what if” safely pushed to the back of your heart becomes a reality – it can make you feel like fainting or bolting – whatever you’re up for.
So, I’m in the “latter season” and have experienced a lot of life and a lot of God. Throughout, I’ve been made to prepare for the big breaks but the unexpected is where we can feel absolutely shattered. Busted apart, beyond the fix. And in the many times, God remains sovereign, never failing to use it in my life and in the lives of others around me.
Those who know me well (and maybe not so well) see the “steadfast Jesus-girl” who walks calm in the dark. And I agree mostly, grateful for the keeping-not-letting-go tenacity that only a Father can give to a fragile child. But in the cracks of life I can easily ask myself – what was it all for? Years filled with Bible studies, endless prayer meetings, inspirational conferences . . . if not for now. Here.
Maybe you ask the same at times . . .and maybe even now.
It’s fine to have the hand-raising-praising in a sunny sanctuary when all you’re concerned about is lunch but what about when we’re called to raise and praise in the dark corner of solitude? For those of us who are there now, it’s not too dark to do so. We can praise the One who holds our hand in the isolation and choose the word abide over quarantine – and possible over impossible.
When we feel like our faith will fold like a cheap tent because we’re pressed out in a dreaded scene we hoped wouldn’t happen – it’s not about “where is God?” It’s more about “where am I?”
For me, if this deep challenge doesn’t show the faithful timing and power of an almighty sovereign, then it’s been wasted time. It hasn’t. Steadfast faith grows in the cracks of life. I’ve found it to be true especially when man says “there is no more I know to do” and I say “I know” and stand in what I do know.
We can distract ourselves from reality for just-so-long. There is something so much higher than what our minds can reach. And the truth of what it was all for is simply knowing, really knowing the unchanging might and compassion of a ruling and loving God who oversees it all – against all odds.
I would have fainted if I had not believed to see the goodness of God in the land of the living.
Psalm 27:13 is a well-worn prayer since early in my faith. And I continue to believe to see . . .