How do we deal with tension in our circles? How do we handle unkind words?
A friend came to me this week seeking advice to mend a conflict with her long time Christian friend. As part of Women’s Ministry (and personal experience), I’m aware of the problems females have. Women can sometimes hurt one another by catty and competitive behavior instead of accepting one another.
We all remember grade school. Secrets, whispers, talebearing. Things left in the dust of history spoken out to recycle pain. The times we put on our judge’s robe and ask “do you remember what she did?”
It happened to me, my daughter, and my granddaughters, who have shared incidents when another girl deliberately wounded them. Then, we wound back . . . or do we wound first?
Decades, centuries . . . beginning in Genesis . . . Sarah and Hagar, down through time.
Sadly, the church is not exempt from tension and conflict. I think of the first century catfight when the Apostle Paul mediated between two squabbling women greatly affecting the unity of the church in Philippi (Phil 4:2). It reads, “I urge Euodia and Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord.” The only time they show up in Scripture is recording their dispute. It was important enough for Paul to write it down. It affected the unity in the body of Christ.
Women are relational. I am grateful for my longtime friends since childhood no others could replace, and for quality forever friendships I have with women of faith I’ve met along the way, keeping me from sinking in my adult life.
A friend’s concern and counsel can change our day . . . our lives. Women need women.
As Christian women we desire to know how to respond to conflict biblically, which brings to remembrance the story of Hannah, found in the book of 1Samuel, chapter one.
A gracious peacemaker we can learn from. . . . .
Hannah was married to Elkanah, who had two wives. Her rival Peninnah (the fertile wife), provoked her daily till she wept by flaunting her children before the barren Hannah. She could decide to believe what Peninnah said and respond in bitterness, or cry her heart out to her Father in heaven.
She took the matter to God.
The grief and tears mounted up until it burst into one of the passionate prayers recorded in Scripture (1 Samuel 2: 1-10). From the well of her heart, she cried out to her Lord.
She cried out rather than lashing out.
She was even misunderstood by her temple priest who accused her of being filled with wine as she prayed so fervently, so silently. Her response, “No, I am a woman oppressed in spirit, I have poured out my soul to the Lord”. . . . . (1:15) Eli then blessed her.
Love spreads its mantle over those who choose God’s ways, and Hannah birthed a prophet! Samuel, the son dedicated and offered to the good care of God.
Our words can be a blessing or a landmine.
Is God allowing a Peninnah into your life? Burst into prayer instead of anger, for He may be ready to birth something in you!
There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18
Verna
Glenda Mills says
July 7, 2012 at 9:46 amAaah dear friend, this is so excellent. What a wonderful blog…and teaching! Thanks for reminding us conflict resolution in the body of Christ is so worth it. I believe God smiles when we are willing to work through the conflict until love and unity is restored again. Much like covenant in marriage, the body of Christ is in covenant too. Thanks for cheering us on, Verna. Love you.
verna says
July 7, 2012 at 10:18 am. . . and thank you for cheering me on, Glenda. . . I also believe God smiles when He sees His daughters live in unity.
Diana Leagh Matthews says
July 7, 2012 at 9:50 amThank you for such a wonderful and timely reminder. We all as Christians have conflict and obstacles to overcome. Thankfully we know where to turn. I love the story of Hannah. Even today we can relate to her circumstances.
verna says
July 7, 2012 at 10:19 amEven today, Lee . . . the beauty of Scripture . . .
Hannah S. Hunter says
July 7, 2012 at 10:30 amI think conflict in the church is even more because the enemy adds his 2 cents and exacerbates what the original conflict was. Thanks Verna for the admonition to burst into prayer rather than at the person.
verna says
July 7, 2012 at 2:35 pmYou’re so right, Hannah . . . and you have a lovely namesake in Scripture 🙂
Helene Bates says
July 7, 2012 at 10:58 amVerna, I just happened upon your blog thru FB and I’m so thrilled I found this!
“Conflict De-clawed” spoke to my heart today. A co-worker lashed out yesterday and I stewed about it in my head all morning, instead of lifting it to the Lord. Thank you for this . . .
My plan now is to read all the ones that I’ve missed!
Blessings! Have a wonderful day, Verna. xx
vernabowman says
July 7, 2012 at 5:15 pmThank you, Helene for the encouragement, you spoke to my heart today, also! It’s so hard not to stew when this happens, but we must guard our hearts (and cover our mouths) when tempted to react. Grateful for the Holy Spirit who reigns within . . .
Miss you!
Blessings, Verna
Becky Doughty says
July 7, 2012 at 4:55 pmVerna,
“…She cried out rather than lashing out.” If only this were the normal reaction to the Penninahs in our lives. Excellent post. Great reminder to burst into prayer instead of anger.
Blessings,
Becky
vernabowman says
July 7, 2012 at 5:09 pmIf only! So grateful for those examples in the Bible and in our circles who encourage us to do better, thank you, Becky!
Joy says
July 7, 2012 at 5:03 pmSO often I find myself being the one who puts my foot in my mouth. I so oftn pray that God would give me a tongue that praise and one that does not wound.
vernabowman says
July 8, 2012 at 7:05 pmYour prayer, and mine . . . thanks for commenting, Joy . . . blessed by your honesty.
Betsy says
July 19, 2012 at 11:57 amVerna,
What a good message and illustrations. I so miss you!
Betsy